


Legal

by Missy



Category: Laverne & Shirley (TV)
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Humor, Just Married, Lust, Married Life, Married Sex, Masturbation, Post-Canon, Semi-public masturbation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:19:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28804182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: Laverne and Lenny have been married for two years now, and their relationship is going along just as strongly as ever.Their friends and family, however, have different ideas for what they should be doing with their time.
Relationships: Laverne DeFazio/Lenny Kosnowski
Comments: 8
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

Laverne blamed it on her hormones.

What kind of hormones she couldn’t properly tell. Maybe there was something in the air, or something about what love was doing to her libido. But here she was on her lunch break, sitting in a stall at a fancy aerospace factory, biting her lip and pretending to use the faculties while she touched herself and thought of her husband.

She squeezed her breast through blouse and bra and tried to hurry herself through the motions – she was hungry and horny at the same time, which meant her lunch break was going to be a rushed affair. Which was causing her to love and hate her body at the same time. 

She checked her watch. Shit, 12:30. With the hour evaporating she shoved a hand down her panties and went to town. Maybe this was hormonal? No, it definitely wasn’t anything hormonal. Maybe it was what Shirley had discreetly called Newlywed Fever – something that she and Walter no longer had, as Laverne was often appraised of as she lamented the realities of diapers and visiting generals. Her father’s voice flashed through her mind, ordering her to produce grandchildren for him, and she desperately shut it out, rubbing her clit harder. She was having fun. She was going to come as quietly as possible, remembering what Lenny had done to her last night. No, she was going to remember something more interesting.

The first time. They were touring California, following The Rolling Stones around. That was how she’d fallen in love with him, and that was how they’d ended up together. The first time had been outside in a howling rainstorm, against the side wall of a nightclub. Her pulse had pounded – her heart had raced. Lenny had done this to and for her, and the memory shocked her down to her bones still. If she’d known he could do that to her…

….Well, she’d’ve missed out on a lot of adventure. Or had new ones. Sexier ones. But then she would’ve lost out on meeting Fabian with Shirley, or becoming a LAMP. She loved Lenny – loved having sex with him – dearly, but her whole life was just as important as her marriage.

Lenny been doing it to her like that for the past three years, and yet everything still felt new and fresh between them. Fucking your best friend did have a lot of benefits . Lenny had promised her one thing when she’d given in and agreed to make it legal between them: they would never let thing get boring for them like Shirley and Walter. Laverne shut everything else out and concentrated on her body. Her hand worked faster. Her polished nails pinched at her nipples. 

She kept her feet braced. Her body stretched, sweating, for the goal line….

…It was a very, very quick orgasm – like a half-expelled sneeze. Her knees sprawled apart and her head smacked the tiles behind her, but her hips reared up toward her fingertips and her belly rippled. 

Just satisfying enough, though. She took a little time to credibly flush and wash her hands before she returned to the experiment room with a smile and started going to town on the Cheetoh and salami sandwich Lenny had packed for her that morning. 

That smile faded a little when she was reminded of what the evening. Dinner with her Pop, followed by a Dodgers game with Squiggy. Normally she’d be excited for the Dodgers, but she really wanted to corner her husband and take full advantage of her hunger for him.

Maybe she could coax Lenny into calling things off. She did, after all, know how to speak his body’s language fluently….


	2. Chapter 2

She had just enough time to go home, switch into jean and a teeshirt, and make her way to her Pop’s trailer. The door was open, and Lenny was on the sofa, his eyes ever so slightly glazed as he listened to her father recount his Anzio stories again and drank some beer.

“There she is!” her father said, and she gave him a kiss on the cheek before managing an apology. 

“Sorry! They wanted me to stay behind for a couple of minutes,” she explained. “Someone walked out with some experimental glue the other day and they're searching bags at the front door.”

“That’s cause it went into Squiggy’s last talent show act,” Lenny muttered.

She poked Lenny in the ribs but cuddled up to him. “No one’s gotta know that.” He craned his neck for a kiss, and she pressed her lips against his. As always, she kissed him like she meant it, and he pulled her halfway into his lap.

Then Laverne realized she was at her father’s trailer and Lenny’s fingers were creeping steadily toward her promised land, and quickly squirmed off of her husband’s knee. Lenny pouted at her and she shot him a look – she loved him, but she did have some scruples. 

His eyes walked up and down her body and she poked him again in his side, settling down beside him. “What’re you doing, huh? What was that for?” She meant him feeling her thigh up, not the attendant situation. As if she hadn’t played with herself while thinking of him that afternoon, she laughed at herself.

He grinned. “Nothing. You just look nice tonight.” Lenny deliberately sipped on his beer and wiggled an eyebrow. He put his head on her shoulder, as he always did when he wanted to wheedle something out of her. She rolled her eyes but ran her fingers through his hair. She’d learned long ago that there was no point in battling Lenny’s lust or the grease in his locks.

She shot a look at the kitchen. Frank had averted his eyes from the scene they’d made, working on the trailer’s small range. The scent of red sauce bubbling up made Laverne’s stomach growl. 

“Whatcha making, Pop?” Laverne asked.

“Spaghetti with marinara and oysters,” he said. 

“Huh, that’s awful fancy,” Lenny observed, between drags of Shotz.

Frank drained the pasta in his sink. “Eh, anything that might get me grandchildren is worth the money.” He then shot Lenny a grin. “Did I ever tell you that triplets run on our side of the family?”

Lenny promptly choked on his beer.

“Pop!” Laverne scolded, then whacked her husband on the back. Though she’d only explicitly discussed this with Lenny (and an amazed Shirley), she wasn’t planning on having any kids until she was at least thirty-three. It was partially a stopgap that would allow them time to get used to the marriage before children happened and partially a personal oasis, a way to have as much fun as physically possible. She wanted to do nothing but enjoy Lenny for the next few years. And, she snorted to herself, enjoy Lenny was what she’d been doing for the past couple of years before the wedding and the near year afterward, on every surface and in every position they could think of. But her Pop knew better than to put pressure on the poor guy.

“Whatt’re you Pop-ing me for?” he said. Laverne wacked Lenny on the back until he stopped choking and swallowed. “You wait too long and the kid’ll be changing your diapers instead.”

“We’ve got it handled, Mr. DeFazio,” Lenny said. He cleared his throat and winced at his own boldness.

“Would you call me Frank already?” He started tossing pasta onto plates and topped it with sauce, then put garlic bread on a plate and added a bowl of salad. “Come get your food, it’s gonna get cold! The clams will turn to rubber!”

She and Lenny kept their mouths full – not hard to do when it came to her Pop’s pasta dinners – and nodded their way through the question barrage he gave them. Laverne helped him do the dishes and Lenny cleared the table, and until they had to head to Dodger Stadium they watched Lawrence Welk together. 

Laverne tugged Lenny to his feet and they made their exit, ducking out of the trailer and heading to the ice cream truck. When they were out of his line of sight Laverne turned her husband around and pressed him against the side of the truck and kissed him wildly. 

He pulled her close and ground himself against her belly until she had to come up for air and push him away.

“That’s how I wanted to kiss you back there,” Laverne told him, panting.

He growled and rubbed himself unsubtly against her thigh. “Wanna cancel on Squig?”

She shook her head. “I wanna see the Dodgers play, too.” He moaned like she’d shot him. “C’mon, be nice. If you are, I’ll tell you what I did at work today.”

“Ooh, did Chuck blow up something again?”

“No…It was something sexy,” she said.

“Sexy? Or was it dirty?” he grinned.

“You’ll have to wait to find out.” Another groan, but she was smiling as she slid into the driver’s seat. All good things came to those who waited.


	3. Chapter 3

Squiggy was pacing in front of the ballpark when they arrived, with ten minutes to go before the anthem. “Whatt’d you do, stop to screw in the truck?” he asked, his Pirates hat flopping over his ears, making him look like an enraged and very short cartoon.

“Shut up, Squig,” Lenny growled.

“Ahh,” he rolled his eyes, landing “You finally blue ballsed him?”

“Shut up, Squig!” Laverne growled. Those kisses really had turned her on and left her motoring away in the engine room of her libido, but it was her fault for doing it when they didn’t have time to consummate anything.

“Stop being jealous. Where are we sitting?” Lenny asked. He laced his fingers through Laverne’s, and she knew that he was trying to keep her from lurching forward and punching his best friend in the kisser. Spending a lot of time with Squiggy was a requirement of being married to Lenny, and she’d anticipated his jealousy after hearing about his nastiness toward Karen Caldwell, Lenny’s last previous serious relationship, which had echoed around Laurel Vista like a gunshot. She liked Squig, sympathized with him sometimes – but sometimes he was also a royal pain in the patootie.

“Upper deck, mid-park,” Squiggy said, shoving two tickets into Lenny’s hand. He grabbed his pennant and inflatable bat, and they marched their way northward – through crowds of people, past each ticket taker. 

Laverne’s thighs burned as they climbed to their seats. By the time they found themselves in their spots, she noticed Lenny quickly rearranging himself as he crossed his thighs and sat down beside her. She wasn’t going to ask what had gotten him hard, but knew after living with him for nearly a full year that his erections could be random

“Len!” she hissed, poking his side. No one had seen that but her but she wanted him to know that someone had witnessed it.

“What?” Lenny crossed his legs and winced.

“I saw that!” she hissed back.

He shrugged. “I’m just a guy, Laverne. I got to watch you walk up a flight of stairs the rest of my life, that does things to a guy.”

“Really?” He was grinning now. “What’s funny?”

“I just realized I get to walk behind you for the rest of my life,” he said. It was nice to know her butt was still somehow inspiring to him. Heaven knows parts of him were to her.

She pecked his cheek while Squiggy gagged beside them. “Wouldya keep the gross couple junk to your niptual bed?” he asked.

“No,” Lenny said, kissing Laverne’s cheek.

‘Uh huh,” she replied.

“Great, now I gotta watch the Pirates clobber the Dodgers with Romeold and Juliet,” Squiggy complained.

“Yeah,” Laverne retorted. “Eat your heart out.”

Lenny snorted. Squiggy’s ranting was background music to their enjoyment of the game, which he enjoyed less as the Dodgers pull ahead. Then there was a pop fly hit to right field. Squiggy extended his glove, and the ball descended…

…and beaned him right on the forehead.


End file.
